


where's my love

by Anonymous



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, F/F, Grief/Mourning, One Shot, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 06:30:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19101595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: an empty space on the bed. a quiet home they used to share. her photos everywhere, just like they always were. the only thing she's missing is lisa. she's the only thing jennie really cares about anyway. all lisa left werepieces.





	where's my love

➤

she really never thought she'd be alone again. she thought she'd have lisa, her love, and... _her_. forever. lisa’d promised her, told her that she'd never leave. that she wasn't going anywhere. that she couldn't live without her. and jennie believed her because she'd never lied to her before.

but lisa had done the one thing she said she'd never do, and jennie was left wondering if there was anything she could have done and why lisa was gone and what she did to deserve a fate so cruel.

she put on one of lisa’s favourite albums, one she loved, and she contemplated what she'd use to replace her. she wished she had a vice. she'd never been a smoker, or much of a drinker, and she couldn't do either of those anyway. she wanted nothing more than to fill lisa’s space in her life with something. she knew it was useless to even _try_.

nothing would even come close.

and it hadn't really sunk in yet that lisa was gone. she left quickly and without warning, and it was all just too hard to believe. jennie knew that when it hit her, the pain would be more, and worse, and all-consuming and devastating. yet she found herself craving that. crying instead of disbelief. hurt instead of shock. she wanted to curl up and break down and scream and curse the world.

(and maybe lisa, just a little bit.)

jennie laid down on the bed she'd shared with lisa for so many nights. she hadn't yet changed the sheets, and when she smelled lisa’s perfume on the pillowcase where her head should have been resting, jennie felt her chin quiver and the tears begin to pool.

that scent would only stay there as long as she left those sheets unwashed. even then, it would dissipate and eventually begin to smell like herself.

and then she'd never have that smell again.

that was the first wave of pain. laying in the dark with lisa’s favourite music on and her smell, but not lisa. all jennie had were memories. she'd never have _her_.

the tears stained her pillow, and she wasn't sure when it happened, but she fell asleep that way, alone in an empty bed, laying atop the covers and wishing lisa was with her.

jennie cleaned the entire house for no reason other than she needed something to do. she needed to keep busy and keep herself from getting lost in the memories of a girl who wasn't there. but every time she picked up one of lisa’s many hardcover books, or moved a photograph of the two of them, she'd wear down a little bit more.

she replaced the towels in the bathroom before realizing that she now only needed one. lisa would never sneak into the shower with her and hand her a towel after she stepped out. she only needed one towel in the bathroom now, and that was an absolutely heartbreaking thought. so she took the clean, folded terry cloth and brought it to her face as she stood there in the hallway of her home, completely breaking down.

jennie wasn't sure how long she sat there on the hardwood, broken and crying and clutching a towel just for something to hang onto, but when she finally had the strength to move, it was dark again, and she'd somehow made it through another day without lisa. how, she still didn't know.

she went back into the bedroom - the room that had been lisa’s since she was a teen, but now was only hers - where they'd spent so many nights talking or laughing or making love, and she went to tuck one of the photos of the two of them into a drawer, just because she couldn't look at them, captured in that moment, both happy and smiling. and she found lisa’s vows, handwritten in her sloppy print, with words scratched out and replaced with better ones.

so she read them; the promises lisa didn't get to make in front of her and all their friends. she spent that night exactly like the one before; crying, getting lost in the scent of her on the pillow. now, her written words were next to her on the night stand atop a copy of her favourite novel.

the pain hit jennie like a ton of bricks the next day when she awoke, and she couldn't move. she could only cry for all the things they'd never share. and when a knock at the door threatened to get her out of bed in the afternoon, she didn't get up. the door still swung open, and she was still told that everything would work out, and she was still wrapped in a pair of arms that should have comforted her. jisoo sitting there with tears in her eyes and her in her bestfriend’s arms and making promises she wasn't ready to believe.

but none of it mattered.

all that mattered was that she didn't have lisa.

two weeks, thousands of tears, and a lot of anger later, she finally got the nerve to talk to lisa. she got dressed, put on a pair of sunglasses to hide the sleeplessness and redness and devastation in her eyes, and went to see her.

she sat down on the grass, and stared lisa’s name etched in stone before her. and she cried again because she just couldn't help it.

"god, i miss you..."

it was the only thing she could manage. it was the only thing that really meant anything anyway.

➤

 


End file.
